Monday, February 8, 2010

Fragile Hair Update!

Hello all!! I have a few updates since my last post. I STILL wear my hair shrunken and I really don't see that changing. However, one thing I DO know is that it must be handled wet. for now, my routine has been daily spritzing with water after which I apply Oyin whipped pudding. Now, however, I think that I need to saturate my hair and then apply the whipped pudding because I have fewer knots that way. I am STILL working on the whole "stretching" thing. I used to constantly "stretch" my hair out by pulling it, mostly for the benefit of onlookers. It was as if I was saying to the world "Look, I have hair, TOO!" It was as if my self-worth was directly tied up in the length of my hair! I find that a little bit sad! Now, I am working to reverse YEARS of having that programmed into me by my stepmommy. I know she meant well, but the years of her trying to figure out how to get both mine and my daughter's hair "to grow" have taken their toll on me both emotionally and physically over the years. The family would get together, oohing and ahhing over the long hair of the women in her family. Mine was always pitiful, broken off, and thin. Years of chemical treatments didn't help. Fast forward to NOW, when I'm 35 years of age and my hair is thick and full, yet SHORT and I am happy! Yes, I still long for a bigger fo at times, but back when I used to try to twist/braid my hair to make it bigger, I used to FIGHT knots! I did this mostly because I felt validated by having "bigger" hair. I certainly got a LOT more compliments that way. I even got a compliment from my stepmommy, which was something that I felt was lacking over the years. So, needless to say, a little self-examination has definitely been in order. It is just not HEALTHY to be validated by others. One HAS to have SELF-LOVE. NOT the arrogant, conceited kind of love that makes you feel that no one else HAS TO like what YOU like about YOU.

My hair is very healthy and I am approaching my goal of a 2 inch shrunken fro. After that, I'm not sure I want to grow it out any longer unless I can compact it in some way to fit under my uniform cover. We shall see!

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